Rules of NEST
by doglover5102
Summary: Ever wondered what the base is like when not focused on hunting decepticons? Join the NEST team as they travel through the chaotic world of pranks, newsletters, politicians, and couples.
1. Chapter 1

_This is from Bayverse. I own only the plot and my oc._

 _Can y'all tell me what ya think? Thanks._

Chapter 1:

Will sighed as he clicked send to send the mission to his partners in crime.

He, Epps, and Cali had spent the last 3 hours constructing a list of the do's and don't's of the autobot base, and how to know when need a vacation.

To be honest he had no clue why they were doing it.

When he read what Cali had just typed, he promptly set aside his computer, leaned forward, and burst out laughing.

Cali had a wicked sense of humor for a 19 year old girl.

Later at base, all autobots and humans received an email from the troublesome trio titled 'Autobot Base: The Newsletter'.

 **Do's and don't's of the autobot base:**

 **1\. Don't make nicknames for Ratchet. EVER.**

 **2\. Don't use sarcasm around Prowl.**

'Anything illogical makes him glitch' - Cali

'Then how come he's find around you?' - Epps

'...Screw you.' - Cali

 **3\. Never tease Ironhide unless you fancy becoming a living target.**

 **4\. Don't eat sweets around Ratchet.**

'I ate a Snickers in front of him once.' - Cali

'I did something like that and got a 2 hour lecture.' - Will

 **5\. If you are in deep shit with Sunstreaker, compliment his paint job.**

 **6\. If a prankster, find Sideswipe.**

 **7\. If you want a long conversation, find Bluestreak and ask him simple questions.**

'You just tune him out if he gets going to fast.' - Epps

'It doesn't hurt him.' - Will

 **8\. If you need mental help, seek Smokescreen.**

 **'** I'm not joking, that boy solved all of my anxiety issues.' - Epps

 **9\. If you value you manly bits, refrain from commenting on Ratchet's obsession with his wrenches.**

 **'** He polished those things!' - Will

'Everyone has their own wrench.' - Epps

'Just be glad you aren't part bot, they hurt like hell!' - Cali

 **10\. Never mention any harmful things such as 'cons' when around Red Alert.**

 **11\. Never mention any possible threat to Annabelle when around Ironhide.**

Optimus laughed quietly to himself as he read the first edition. Mechs mentioned seemed slightly peeved but found it humorous none the less.

He turned to the next section in the Newsletter.

 **How to know when you are in need of a desperate vacation:**

 **1\. When you here a boom and immediately want to call Ratchet.**

 **'** There's a reason why no humans are allowed in Wheeljack's lab.' - Will

 **2\. When you begin to expect when a bot will glitch.**

 **3\. You see someone running to hide and can count down the seconds till Ratchet charges in.**

'Oh look there's the twins. Three...Two...One... and there's Ratchet.' -Epps

 **4\. You know the code to the med bay or brig without a second thought.**

'I have nothing else to say but... it's all the twins fault!' - Cali

 **5\. When you can climb across autobot beds and tables as easily as walking.**

'It's one big jungle gym.' - Epps

'You have a strange mindset.' - Will

 **6\. When you know the location of the prank war meetings.**

'Prowl's been trying to find it since the brig was built.' - Cali

'Hasn't got it yet, thankfully.' - Epps

 **7\. When you can scold a high ranking officer without thinking.**

 **'** None of y'all will let that go.' - Cali

'Nope.' - Will

'I'm more surprised that Optimus actually listened.' - Epps

 **8\. When you can beat Bumblebee at a race.**

'Most of the time by online games.' - Will

 **9\. When you know when Ironhide is joking with his cannons, or if he's serious.**

 **10\. You start to talk in Cybertronian terms.**

'People look at me weird when I say recharge instead of sleep.' - Cali

 **11\. You can tell the difference between a normal car and a cybertronian.**

'I scared a woman that way one time.' - Epps

 **12\. You hear buzzing and think of Bumblebee.**

 **13\. You see the ice cream truck and think of the minor twins.**

 **14\. You start acting paranoid around new people or cars.**

'My wife thinks I am insane for not getting in other cars.' - Will

 **15\. When you can scale a transformer in seconds and still look like it's a normal thing.**

'That's mostly me.' - Cali

 **16\. When you know how Optimus really feels about politics and Galloway.**

'I swear he said he was thinking of disobeying his "no harm humans" rule.' - Epps

Everyone was nodding in agreement or snorting in amusement by the end of it.

They couldn't wait for next week's.

 _How do y'all like it. I might make it into a full story with movies but I need feedback first. I might also throw in some one shots too._


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey y'all. Someone asked if I can put in When Optimus was scolded. I will be making a series and ones shots for this it will just be a little bit. Should I finish this first or write the series first?_

Chapter 2:

Cali chortled evilly as she clicked her phone sending the Newsletter public.

She would be scrapped for spare parts but it was so worth it.

Will opened the email that came through to see that Cali had sent it out.

'Finally!' He thought exasperated.

Epps chuckled from where he and the groups newest accomplices, Sam, Mikeala, Ben, Dusk, Amber, and Micheal, reading the letter.

 **Do's and Don't's of the autobot base:**

 **1\. watch were you step.**

'We humans tend to run out of ground here for some reason' - Ben

 **2\. you need help with school, ask preceptor or Que.**

 **3\. have a 'Science Talk' translator When with Que.**

'All I heard was a whole other language' - Epps

 **4\. keep a dictionary handy around Perceptor.**

'To quote him in the med bay when he first met Ratchet: "Salutations Commanding Medical Officer, your assistance is not required. Perhaps your expertise would be better acknowledgeable elsewhere in this nano click in time." - Mikeala

'Talks in circles. Long words. Gives headache' - Dusk

 **5\. challenge Amber or the older twins to a video game tournament, or any video games for that matter.**

'Super competitive' - Will

'Shut up, Fragger *growls*' - Amber

'AMBER! LANGUAGE!' - Cali

 **6\. tease Mirage about his accent- he's touchy.**

 **7\. anything possible to remain free of the med bay.**

'Hatchet's wrenches hurt' - Dusk and Cali

'From what I've seen, I'm glad I'm not a bot- and not part one either' - Sam

 **8\. prank Galloway. As funny as Boss Bot finds it, you will be placed in the brig.**

 **9\. prank Vanessa, she gets revenge.**

'*shudder* scary. dark. Must run. *shudder*' - Epps

'*Everyone else looks at him strange*'

 **10\. ever, EVER, prank Optimus with Slenderman- he with scream like a girl and blow stuff up.**

 **How to know when you are in need of a desperate vacation when:**

 **1\. you can ignore an alarm and not jump when it first sounds.**

'I think we can all blame Red for that one' - Micheal

 **2\. you begin to think human traditions are strange.**

 **3\. you compliment Galloway.**

'Said soldier was fired long ago for espionage but had to have had some screws loose' - Ben

 **4\. you no longer jump when a holoform appears beside you.**

 **5\. you are not scared of Ratchet.**

'That's really just Micheal' - Ben

'Yeah, the Hatchet likes him' - Amber

 **6\. you memorize the base layout, whose rooms are where, and the codes to each one.**

'Are y'all dissing my smarts' - Cali

'Naw: they're jealous' - Micheal

 **7\. you have won a prank war against the Terror Twins.**

 **8\. you pray to Primus in emergencies.**

 **9\. you understand Bee's 'secret language'.**

'It's called cybertronian and it's that or radio pieces' - Mikeala

 **10\. you can name not only all bots, but also all cons on earth and in stories told by said bots.**

 _As you noticed I have some new characters in there. When I write my other series for this, I owe all rights to Ben, Amber, and Dusk to Elhini Prime._

 _Dusk: techno-organic who grew up on earth._

 _Ben: techno-organic raised on earth. Dusk's boyfriend. Micheal's brother._

 _Amber: Dusk's Best friend._

 _Cali: techno-organic raised on earth. Sister to Dusk._

 _Micheal: techno-organic raised on earth. Cali's boyfriend._

 _The main characters names are the same and I give credit again to Elhini Prime. The back stories with be different though_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey y'all. I am getting my poem published. I so excited. I just can't hide it. But anyway, feel free to send in ideas. I love and promise to use anything you send in unless it goes against my personal beliefs. Do not feel offended by any rules in here as they are not directed at you but rather at my family. (Mostly). Thanks for any reviews. Love y'all. If you want the occasional one shot added in, just ask. Also I'm kinda changing this up some. It's now rules**.

Chapter 3:

Cali sighed defectively as she typed up the paper. Optimus and Prowl found out what they were doing and asked them to instead make a list of rules for NEST. Her friends ditches her.

Traitors.

-section marker-

 **#1: Do not steal Drift's katanas unless you want Deadlock on your ass. (Found by MexiGirl56)**

(He loves those things as much as Ironhide loves his cannons)

(Terror Twins, Sam, Dusk)

 **#2: Do not- I repeat DO NOT- watch Batman with Crosshairs and Wheeljack.**

(The base cannot handle two upright mechs dressed as superheroes)

(Crosshairs has anger issues)

(Wheeljack is explosive prone)

(Amber, Ben, Bumblebee)

 **#3: No making fun of someone's fear- it can happen to you.**

(Annabelle's fear of spiders is real)

(I will sic the twins on you)

(Both sets)

 **#4: Please do not pretend you are in 'Attack on Titan', and attack the bots who are the titans.**

(Multiple unknown soldiers, Lennox, Dusk, Micheal)

 **#5: Please do not attempt any moves you see in movies.**

(No matter what you believe, you will get hurt)

(Nobody likes the Hatchet)

(Sam, Leo, Miles)

 **#6: Do not dog a hole, name it 'Love', fill it back up, and watch people fall in Love.**

(It is a stupid prank)

(San, Miles, Ben, Drift, Bumblebee, Chevy Twins)

 **#7: Do not play 'I Can Swing My Sword' around any sword wielding bots.**

(I personally find it offensive)

(Hatchet does not like injuries)

(I am not responsible)

 **#8: No using holographic projections of slender man to scare bots and soldiers.**

(It will only tesult in injury)

(Twins, Fig)

 **#9: Do not show the following movies at base:**

Nightmare on Elm street (Red Alert locked us in the main hanger for a week)

Annabelle (the bots refused to be left alone for months)

Clash of the Titans (Optimus said it was gruesome)

(He needs to mech up)

Percy Jackson (the bots are still asking to scour Long Island for clues)

 **#10: Do not give anyone any ideas for pranks.**

(No explanation needed)

 **#11: Do not do a dangerous stunt just because you were dared to do it.**

(Ratchet will not help you)

(No one will help you)

(I will laugh)

(Crosshairs)

 **#12: If any females are on their "week" DO NOT purposely agitate them!**

(If you do upset said femme, the femme will not be held responsible for any injuries inflicted upon you)

(Also you will not receive any help from any 'Bot or human)

(Oh and Ratchet will not heal any injuries until said femme is gone from the area)

 **#13: If Ratchet says that you have malnutrition and need to go on a healthy diet, don't replace that diet with junk food whenever he's out of sight.**

(People die from malnutrition, and not just in third world countries)

(Ratchet has agreed to allow you to continue to eat junk foods AFTER you've fulfilled your nutritional requirements for the day)

 **#14: At introductions with the newbies, do not introduce yourself James Bond style.**

("The names Swipe. Sideswipe.")

 **#15: Do not attempt to make artificial gum, cybertronian or otherwise.**

(Bot's mouth's were glued shut for a week)

(Wheeljack)

 **#16: Do not add dye to water to make it look radioactive green, then drink it.**

(Ratchet will whisk you away)

(Dusk, Amber, Terror Twins, Soldiers)

 **#17: Do not give the base pranksters nerf guns, especially the ones that fire ammo tipped with suction cups.**

(Neither bots nor humans enjoy things hanging off of them)

(Leo, Miles, All resident pranksters)

 **#18: If Crosshairs is laughing maniacally, run away.**

(You don't even want to know what he did)

(He's worse than wheeljack!)

 **#19: Never again will there be an attempt to do Secret Santa.**

(No one took it seriously)

(Sam, Leo, Mikeala, Dusk, Amber, Ben, Twins, Bumblebee)

 **#20: Do not claim that a lamp contains a genie who will grant three wishes.**

(Bots will question you sanity)

(Micheal, Epps, Lennox)

 **#21: No more "Mean Girls" quotes and references.**

(As amusing as it is to see Cybertronians painted pink on Wednesdays, some are painted pink against their will)

(Twins)

 **#22: Do not dress an innocent Bot in cosplay when they are in recharge.**

(Although, it is rather amusing to see an angry "Sailor Ironhide" chase the twins)

 **#23: No, Ironhide, Mojo is not to be used as target practice and he isn't a Decepticon in disguise.**

(Twins- do not torment Ironhide with dogs)

 **#24: Do not try screwing with a Seeker's wings.** (They will be just as vicious towards you if you do that as Crosshairs is whenever you screw with his trench coat)

(For the same reasons)

(Anyone who isn't Optimus, Prowl, or Ultra Magnus)

 **#25: Don't watch a cartoon marathon one day, then the next day constantly say to Ratchet and/or Crosshairs "What's up, Doc?".**

(Ratchet will go Hatchet on you)

(Crosshairs will shoot you)

(Leo, Epps)

 **#26: It has now been determined that Crosshairs hates the nicknames 'Crossy' and 'Hairs.' Using them will likely get you shot at.**

(He doesn't mind 'Cross,' however)

(Go figure)

(Angry mech that one ;)

 **#27: Do not remove Drift's helicopter blades while he is recharging and glue them to the rec room ceiling.**

(Drift was NOT pleased about that)

(Leo and the Minor Twins are very lucky that he's one of the calmest, most reasonable bots on base, because was he ever pissed off!)

 **#28: Men/Mechs, Do not try to flirt with the women and Femmes.**

(We know ALL the comebacks and we WILL humiliate you)

(Ex: "If I could rearrange the alphabet, you'd put 'u' and 'I' together"; I'd put 'f' and 'u' together")

 **#29: Please no flipping off earth vehicles or aircraft.**

(They are inanimate)

(They can not attack you)

(Crosshairs)

 **#30: Spiking his energon to make him overcharged, then daring him to shoot you is not a good idea.**

(Crosshairs retains his full accuracy and acrobatic skill even when so overcharged he can hardly string two words together)

(And when overcharged, he won't necessarily remember to switch his ammunition from his usual rounds to blanks or paint rounds)

(You have been warned. - Ratchet also wasn't pleased with the repairs he had to do)

(Crosshairs wasn't pleased with the pounding processorache he had the next morning)

 **So what do y'all think? Feel free to send in one shot ideas, rule ideas, dos and donts, and why you need a vacation ideas. I was running out for those last two that's why I changed it around. Thanks.**

 ***Can y'all send in weird human sayings so that I can make one for 'What not to say around bots'.***


	4. Chapter 4

**What's up y'all? My day is wonderful. I have way to much free time on my hands. *laughs evilly while rubbing hands together*. My sister has no clue what's coming. }:] thanks for all of your help. Please review.**

Chapter 4:

 **#31: Do not say the following around the bots:**

Disney Quotes (Ironhide flipped out when Will pretended to be Woody for Annabelle and said 'there's a snake in my boot')

'Im sick of this', 'your killing me', or 'you gave me a heart attack' around Ratchet (That soldier was never seen or heard from again)

Greek or Roman myths (have you ever seen a 40 foot tall robot were a toga- I hadn't)

(-Thanks to CrazyDawg19 for these three-)

Saying 'Can I shift your gears?' To bots (humans think stick shift- bots think intercourse)

The human body is 90% water so were basically cumbers with anxiety (Micheal when Amber had a panic attack, He got several weird looks)

(-thanks to KHandFF7fanforever for these two-)

You cough, someone says 'look I found your lung' (Thanks Mikeala, now I'm stuck with like a gazillion scans)

People think I am strange. That is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a jar on my desk. (Micheal to Ben after reading Stephen King, Ratchet locked them up for 48 hours)

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now (Sam when asked why he was scared)

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits (Wheeljack was actually the culprit for this one. He scared many bots and soldiers)

 **#32: Don't flirt with the Prime's bondmate in front of him.**

(He doesn't like the idea of some mech trying to take Elita-1 from him)

(I've never quite seen him that mad)

(Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Hot Rod, Crosshairs)

 **#33: Don't sit in the rafters before jumping down on some poor unsuspecting bot.**

(You never know when said bot will glitch)

(You will get hurt)

(Nobody likes the Hatchet)

 **#34: Do not repel down from the rafters to get in bots faces.**

(Red Alert glitches)

(Prowl screams- his is girly haha we broke him)

(Optimus blinks then walks off)

(Crosshairs will hit you)

(Sam, Leo, Lennox, Dusk, Me, Amber)

 **#35: I get that no one likes Galloway, but please refrain from hogtying him, glueing him to the side of a lobbing ball, and chucking him out to sea.**

(He will die)

(To much paperwork)

(Ironhide, Drift, Optimus, Fig, Twins)

 **#36: Do not, I repeat- DO NOT- think it is ok in any way to scream 'For Narnia' and run off down the hall in nothing but a nightgown at 4 in the morning.**

(I will find you)

(And I will finish you)

(Drunk Soldiers)

 **#37: Never chalenge blurr to seeing who can talk faster...he will win.**

(It doesn't take a genius to figure that out)

(Wheeljack: not a genius- stupidity)

(Me: Shut up)

 **#38: Never eat a entire can of sugar and run around mocking bumblebee as fast as possible just to annoy him...**

(*Stage whisper* it never works out well)

(Sam, you are just lucky he likes you)

 **#39: Never dress as an old person, have a friend dress as a clock, and have said clock chase you around base. And saying time has caught up with you helps none.**

(Seriously, it freaked bots out)

(Epps and Lennox, Dusk and Amber, Micheal and Ben)

 **#40: Never underestimate the abilities of a human.**

(I can sing the entire nations of the world song)

(And spell them correctly)

 **#41: Do not sing any of the following on base or within ear shot of anyone else:**

Here's to never growing up (Prowl finds it illogical)

Let it go (I will personally dismantle any bot stupid enough to play it)

I love blocks (Prowl also finds it illogical)

Faster car (Bots take personal offense)

Me, Myself, and I (Bumblebee locked himself up alone for days)

Titanium (bots thought that humans were secretly made of metal)

 **Thanks y'all. What do you think. Please send in ideas. Next chapter is just going to be describing OC's and holoforms.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey y'all. Here are my OC's and holoforms of some bots. I will do the rest later.**

 **Can y'all believe summer is almost over. My sister's birthday is next week, then another in august, then another in September so we're busy.**

Chapter 5:

#: Cali-

6'0" with long black hair and dark navy blue eyes. Lanky but still on the muscular side.

Seeker as tall as Ironhide in cybertronian form. Black armor with yellow-green highlights and a navy blue visor and battle mask.

#: Micheal-

6'2" with wild dirty blond hair and bright sky blue eyes. Muscular.

Tall as Optimus in bot form. Semi as an alt. Dark Sea green with black highlights.

#: Dusk-

5'11" with long silver hair and dark violet blue eyes. Skinny.

Same height as Cali in bot form. Gold and silver seeker with black flames.

#: Ben-

6'0" and lanky with dark brown hair and brownish blue eyes.

F-150 super duty as an alt. Little shorter than Optimus. Charcoal grey armor with silver highlights.

#: Amber-

5'7" with redish orange hair pixie cut and hazel eyes. Beautiful bod. Curves in all the right places.

-now for the bots-

#: Optimus-

6'0" with brown hair neatly kept. Cowboy boots, plaid shirt, and jeans. Flame jacket and cerulean blue eyes.

#: Ironhide-

5'8" with black buzz cut hair and very muscular. Full NEST uniform and has a deep tan. Dark black blue eyes.

#: Ratchet-

5'4" with salt and pepper hair and traditional doctors uniform with jeans and loafers. Late 50's. weary blue optics.

#: Sideswipe & Sunstreaker-

5'7" with blond hair. Sunny's is combed back and both have designer clothes.

 **More later. Peace out. Kinda ran outta steam at the end and my dad wanted me. Sorry.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey y'all how ya doing? Some of these are from people who sent them in. If you like any rules, just ask me and I'll do a short one shot with them. Thanks**.

Chapter 6:

 **#42: Taking a can of Off insect repellent with you on the battlefield and spraying insecticons does not work.**

(I don't care if the package says it kills 99.9% of all bugs)

(That .1% is the insecticons)

(Lennox, Epps, Twins, Fig, Jazz)

 **#43: Minionies is not a language.**

(Its just gibberish)

(Epps, stop telling the new recruits that)

(And, Dusk, you and Micheal, Sam, Drift, and the twins need to stop acting like it's the only language you speak)

 **#44: Don't try to poke Optimus in the eye when he decides to use his military holoform when he is needed.**

(Ben and Micheal didn't believe us when we said they were solid)

(I told you so)

 **#45: We all have our own hobbies. Yes some are weird. No you may not comment.**

(Everyone is entitled to their own free time)

(We do not judge)

(Much)

 **#46: We all are entitled to our own collections of various junk so long as it will not harm anyone or is inappropriate.**

(Sunstreaker collects paints and wax, Sideswipe collects junkyard scrap)

(Drift collects toy dinosaurs)

(Crosshairs collects fabric)

 **#47: Do not interrupt the following movie marathons:**

Jurassic park (a base favorite)

Star Wars (I hate it- Optimus loves it)

Animal planet (Never really thought Prowl would partner up with Hound to chase me off)

The morning news (All of us combined couldn't drag Will and Red Alert from the TV)

Big Brother (My precious) (Me and Epps and Ironhide will eradicate you if you come between us)

IHeart radio (jazz)

 **#48: Never challenge Judy.**

(The one time we had a meeting with Megatron, did not turn out well)

(She threatened him within an inch of his life)

 **#49: Pets are allowed on base so long as they are checked out by OP first.**

(Epps brought home a stray dog)

(He named it lucky)

(Ironhide found it and shot it)

(Lucky wasn't lucky)

 **Next chapter I'm going to do holiday specials. Thanks for your reviews.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Credits:** requested by KHandFF7fanforver.

 **Summary:** After a sudden decepticon spotting, a battle leads to some unexpected revelations inspired by some prankster people.

Chapter 7:

 **That 0.1%**

It all started when Ironhide charged into the hanger, weapons brandished, screaming about eradicating some annoying pests.

At first everyone thought he was talking about Mojo, as the damned Chihuahua was left to roam as the Witwicky's were currently visiting.

But when he ran up to Optimus, and said there was a 'con sighting, everyone started and began to prepare.

'Bot wise, Optimus was taking Jazz, Sideswipe, Sundtreaker, Ironhide, Cali, Micheal, Ben, Dusk, and Prowl. For humans, Will was bringing Epps, Fig, and a couple of other soldiers.

As they boarded the plane Optimus and Will debriefed the team. Twenty signal that were near identical in a forest in Canada.

"What our ETA?" A soldier called out impatiently.

Cali graced his comment with an evil grin. "Are we there yet?"

"ETA: 30 minutes. No." Will replied, casting a worried look at the techno-organic.

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?

"How bout now?"

"NO!"

Just then the intercom came on. "This is your pilot speaking. Please fasten your seat belts and prepare for a rough landing."

Cali and Dusk laughed at Will's face.

Later after trudging through mounds upon mounds of snow, the group came across the signals.

"What are these things?!"

"I don't know, Micheal! Some sorta metal bot- beatle!"

"Insecticons," Optimus stared gravely.

Jazz, Fig, Epps, Will, Sideswipe, and Sunstreaker all exchanged glances before they all shouted, "Get OFF!" And simultaneously pulled out green and orange cans before spraying the contents on the shocked insecticons.

All of the other bots and humans looked flabbergasted as a soldier by the name of Ricky pulled out a similar can. "Never know when OFF big spray comes in handy."

 **What did y'all think? Thanks for y'all support. I love this story. I could barely type I was laughing so hard a some points. And it didn't help that my 60 pound dog insisted that there was something wrong that she had to sniff out.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey y'all. I have had a request for a certain range of rules. I have already said this chapter will be holiday rules part 1, but the next chapter with rules will consist of how and how not to prank Galloway and get away with it.**

Chapter 8:

 **#50: Never allow Ironhide near fireworks.**

(We had to replace the autobot hanger roof 3 times)

(Ironhide: *whines* but they explode)

(Me: I don't care if the reincarnate Washington, you are not allowed in their vicinity)

 **#51: Always remember which autobots like which holidays.**

(Optimus likes 4th o' July) (Its the whole 'Freedom is the right of all sentient beings' feel)

(The twins like April fools) (Go figure)

(Bumblebee likes Christmas)

(Ironhide enjoys forth of July and Halloween)

 **#52: Do not open any gifts you receive from Wheeljack.**

(They are not considered safe)

 **#53: Do not mention Santa.**

(Prowl will glitch and Red will put base on lock down)

(Twins, Fig)

 **#54: We need to keep Fig away from the twins.**

(Their hit list is long, their reasons are personal, their expressions are scary, and their prank list is sacred)

 **#55: Lock Sideswipe and Sunstreaker up in the brig in advance for April Fools.**

(Which brings me to say...)

(When you arrive...)

(Pay the insurance offered to you)

(It helps a great deal)

 **#56: Please remember that the autobots cannot eat human food BEFORE you go all out for thanksgiving.**

(Will)

(We had leftovers from thanksgiving)

(That we ate in the following thanksgiving)

(A year later)

 **#57: Easter is celebrated in everyone's own way. Do not go around dressed a bunny, hiding eggs unless you have express permission.**

(Dusk, we did not need to wake up Ratchet at 2 in the morning because Ironhide shot 'the Easter bunny')

(Red tried to ban you from base)

(And no, I don't care if it was a prank. Remember rule #11)

 **#58: Please do not hack the base's sound system, and reprogram everyone's alarms to trumpet a fan fair, then say 'I have a dream' on Martin Luther King Jr. day.**

(We did not appreciate the history lesson)

(Micheal, Ben)

 **#59: If you wish to sleep in on your birthday, do not mention it.**

(Epps, Amber, and Bumblebee have a special wake up song)

 **#60: If you wish to live, do not wake Dusk up before 10:00 am.**

(Not even Ben came out unscathed)

(She is gruesome)

(*shiver*)

 **#61: Do not believe any made up cybertronian holiday the twins concoct.**

(It is most likely not true)

(San, national 'take care of twins' day isn't real)

 **#62: Only believe a cybertronian holiday is real if you have asked Optimus and he has documentation.**

(Even boss bot can pull a prank)

(Prowl glitched three times)

 **#63: We do not celebrate the little holidays that no one knows about. Those are left to individual beliefs.**

(National Best Friends day is not a reason to skip work)

(Neither is national Slushies day)

(I don't care if the bots need to learn about earth)

(They have their friend google)

 **#64: No decorations without first getting them checked out by Hatchet, Boss Bot, Ironass, and Prowler.**

(They will throw a hissy fit)

(Prowl: I would do not such thing)

(Me: Explain Halloween last year)

(Prowl: ... )

 **#65: Last but not least... have fun.**

(And annoy bots to death)

(*receives glares*)

(*chuckles nervously* I'll be going now)

(*dashes off*)

 **How do you think. I think I have way to much time on my hands. I was supposed to go to art, but now I can't. Oh well.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry, I have WAY to much free time. What do y'all think? If you could get my reference in chapter 7, you get a free one shot of your choice. I'm going to start adding in one shots of my personal favorite rules. This is how and how not to prank Galloway and get away with it. It may be a little shorter. And it may include how to prank others as well.**

Chapter 9:

 **#67: Don't get caught. ;)**

(What its true)

 **#68: Always think of something good.**

(Like the time me, Dusk, and Amber hogtied him, glued him to the wall in his room, put annoying songs on repeat and made him believe in ghosts)

(Amber: that was priceless)

 **#69: Do not do anything that will damage his life.**

(I know we do not like him)

(But his death would cause WAY to much paperwork)

(And raise questions)

(Ironhide)

 **#70: If you pull a prank on him, attempt to get him fired.**

(Maybe a new liaison would be better)

 **#71: Superglueing his mouth shut is not the same as superglueing 'bots' gears together.**

(Your just lucky us humans have two ways to breath through)

(Sideswipe, Sunstreaker)

 **#72: When Galloway comes, activate your ducky holograms.**

(It's a running joke here at NEST)

(Scares the crap outta him too)

 **#73: Please do not have everyone hide when he comes over so the base looks abandoned.**

(We do not need to call in the US coast guard and Us navy seals AND the US federal police)

 **#74: Please refrain from asking him to pose for a portrait before trying to shoot him.**

(Ironhide, we had a hard time persuading him to not press charges)

(Somehow Sunstreaker still managed to paint him)

 **#75: Do call him Galloway when he corrects you to say Director.**

(It drives him absolutely bonkers)

 **#76: Do roll your eyes and reply with a snappy comeback when he says 'Respect'.**

(Galloway: Young lady, you will show respect to your elders or I will have you sent off this island)

(Me: So how old are you? 60? 80? 100?)

(Galloway: I am not old! I am 45!)

(Me: So which is it: respect an 100 year old you, or ignore a 45 year old you?)

(I personally like option two)

#77: Please tell me whatever prank you come up with so that I may have a front row seat.

 **I know it was kinda lame. I didn't have enough ideas. Most just blended together. If y'all have any suggestions I'll add em in. Thanks. Sorry**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey y'all. What do you think of this. How are y'all's summers going? Send in what you've been doing recently and if you do, I'll post it in a later chapter/NA. It will be a 'welcome to the end of summer' thing.**

 **Requested:** AutobotGuy710

 **Plot** : Will gets fed up with his soldier's excuses for extra off time.

Chapter 10:

Will vented as he resisted the urge to face palm. He was currently standing in the doorway to the rec room, watching as Epps challenged Fig to a round of Call of Duty.

He walked up behind them and quietly enjoyed how they tended beneath his hands.

"What, pray tell are you doing here?" He asked sweetly.

Epps chuckled nervously. "Will, it's a holiday- National Best Friend day. We got the day off."

The sergeant shrank under his friend's gaze.

So Fig spoke up. "Want to play a round? You are our friend."

Will smiled. "Well when you put it that way...". His smiled dropped and he glared and pointed at the door. "You get twice as much paperwork."

The two men sighed before dragging their feet through the door.

 **-A month later-**

Will raised his head to the heavens as he mentally questioned 'why me?'

He was once again on the prowl (no pun intended) for his two subordinates. Epps and Fig were seated with the techno-organics and Amber, along with some of the bots who hadn't been on earth the longest.

He cleared his threat and the sergeant and soldier looked slightly guilty.

Will raised an eye brow and tapped his foot. Ben spoke up. "It's national slushy day. We were just explaining to the bots-"

"The bots have another friend." Will said harshly, dragging his friends away. "She's called google. You have a date with paperwork."

Will silently laughed at his friends twin groans of unhappiness.

 **-one week later-**

One week later a rule was posted that only holidays that were giving express permission by name from ALL commanding officers were allowed to be celebrated with a day off.

 **What y'all think? I like it. I probably could have done better but I kinda forgot my original idea so I thought of this.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey y'all. What up. I want to say sorry to Optimus's Girl. I am putting yours up, I promise. I was gathering some more rules for this chapter and your are in here as well.**

Chapter 11:

 **#78: Don't start an snowball fight against Optimus and his fellow Autobots!**

(They will make very large snowballs and throw them very fast at you)

(Optimus is a champion snowball thrower)

(He has a wall full of metals)

(I've seen them)

 **#79: Don't leave any paint out where Sunstreaker and Sideswipe can get their servos on it.**

(Optimus woke up the next morning with a new paint job)

(Pink and purple)

(Femme colors)

(FIG!)

 **#80: Never challenge Prowl to chess.**

(You will lose)

(Badly)

(Very. Badly.)

 **#81: No eavesdropping on conversations that happen behind closed doors.**

(None of us care what goes on)

(Nor do we plan on finding out)

 **#82: No recording devices.**

(Epps)

(I will hunt you down)

(And I will catch you)

(And I will castrate you)

 **#83: Don't interrupt Optimus when he is giving a speech about Megatron and his fellow Decepticons.**

(Amber just couldn't withhold her comment on Starscream)

(Even though the Dorito of doom is a really good nickname)

 **#84: When on recon, do not mention anything about starscream and megatrons' relationship.**

(-I found this on a different set of rules online that was published in 2015-)

(We were spying on a decepticon patrol once and Dusk said, "Starscream needs to mech up and propose. They already fight like an old married couple")

(Micheal put the icing on the cake by pretending to be starscream and say, "And this is why my counselor says our relationship with never blossom")

 **#85: Never threaten Sam.**

(Bumblebee is usually a pretty laid back mech but if you attempt to harm his charge, you'd better run like hell's on your heels)

 **#86: Never try to replace Prowl.**

(He may not be very social, but he cares for us)

(Jazz was given a stuffed animal)

(Named it it Prowler 2)

(The next day, the stuffed bear wasn't seen and Prowl looked overly smug)

 **#87: No nicknames without permission. Even the most chill people will spaz out.**

(Jazz did not like the nickname 'Calloway')

(Epps does not appreciate 'Johnny dear')

 **#88: Never ask one of the original founding members of NEST who Ho Lee Schitt is.**

(You may not enjoy your life to much after)

 **#89: Never quote a quote unless you are certain of the origin of said quote.**

(Bumblebee mostly)

(He said a quote from a radio station back in the day without thinking)

(All the humans burst out laughing and bots were confused until the humans explained)

(Bee always checks now)

 **#90: What you say to describe your pain when you emerge from unconsciousness is to be kept confidential.**

(Prowl: No info is to be disclosed)

(Me: Aft)

 **#91: Keep your online name secret unless you wish for utter humiliation.**

(The NEST chart room is highly amusing)

 **#92: All NEST personnel are up for grabs if it means keeping yourself off the chopping block.**

(Pranks, glitter, blackmail- oh all the blackmail)

(Prank wars on base are EPIC)

 **#93: Never use superior officer bullshit to keep yourself out of the brig after a prank.**

(Jazz may be third, but that does not mean he is mentally ready to hold that position)

 **#94: Refrain from using human sayings around Prowl.**

(He will glitch)

(And come back for revenge)

 **#95: Do describe ratchet as if he were a rabid animal on animal planet to the new recruits.**

("And we are coming around the jungles of Baselinia, where the wild Ratchet roams free. When startled, he resorts to wrenches and evil medic ninja moves. Once a day he will emerge from his med bay to sniff out his victims. He dines on the fear and pain radiating from his patients")

(Me, Amber, Micheal, Ben, Jolt, Epps and Dusk)

(Will: it wasn't funny. We couldn't get the recruits in there for weeks)

(Optimus: and it wasn't a valid description- he's much worse)

 **#96: Remember, some can sing - others cannot.**

(Just... don't ask. I still have nightmares)

(Drunk bots + karaoke = headache)

 **How did I do? Some rules belong to others. You can find them in the reviews. Thanks.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey y'all. Next chapter is a one shot as is the one after that. I'm thinking of putting in one chapter that's just a quick look at the NEST chat room. What should I put in there conversation wise.**

Chapter 12:

 **#96: Don't let anyone try to drive Optimus when he's asleep/recharge on the highway from the NEST base.**

(Ben thought it would be cool to see where he could drive Optimus when he was getting some extra recharge after a late night meeting with Mearing)

 **#97: Do (not) give each bot an assigned theme song.**

(Optimus: "Highway to Hell")

(Lennox: "American Soldier")

(Dusk: "Trouble")

(Cali: "Ready or Not")

(Amber: "here's to never growing up")

(Prowl: "I can follow the rules")

 **#98: Never randomly burst out in song and start a song showdown.**

(Although some people were really good)

 **#99: Never prank Optimus. He will turn it on you.**

(Whoever said Primes don't have a sense of humor was wrong)

 **#100: (YAY!) Never trust Prowl with directions on road trips.**

(He got us lost)

(We were supposed to go from Nevada to South Carolina and we ended up in halfway in Canada)

(How did we even cross the border with out passports?)

 **#101: Never ask Red Alert if you can keep a stray 'con. Ask Prime, instead.**

(He remained frozen for minutes when Miles used the puppy dog eyes and said, "He followed me home, can we keep him?")

(I glitched when he replied, "We are not the slagging pound! No you cannot keep him!")

(Barricade stayed)

 **#102: Never make soundwave do paperwork.**

(The ex-con may have been Ol' Megs' third, but he HATES the stuff)

 **#103: Never make Optimus lug a truck trailer around.**

(He DESPISES those things)

(He cried when it was attached)

(He applauded when it was graffitied and crushed)

 **#104: Never sing 'Rather be with You' over the intercom just when everyone is almost asleep.**

(Hehe)

(Oops)

(Sorry guys)

 **#105: Never say Ref has no sense of humor.**

(He used the intercom once to call sideswipe and Sunstreaker to 'Principle Prowl's' office once)

 **#106: Do not give Will explosives.**

(No explanation needed)

(He was WAY too cheerful)

 **#107: Do not get between Wheelie and Mikeala.**

(Wheelie will protect his 'Warrior Goddess')

 **#108: DO NOT SHOOT THE SECOND YOU HEAR SOMETHING IN THE RAFTERS OR VENTS!**

(I was in there)

(I was in the in the med bay for a week)

(And it was a good surprise for y'all)

 **#109: No asking Barricade for rides. Or Ravage.**

(Soundwave is actually pretty nice)

 **#110: Do not let Will drive any motorcycle that is not an autobot.**

(He doesn't have his license)

 **#111: Wheeljack is never again to be alowed anywhere near a popcorn machine nor make one of his own.**

(It was a really tasty explosion)

 **Thanks. Y'all. How is it? If any thing is messed up- I apologize. I enjoyed this chapter. ;)**


	13. AN

**Hold up y'all. This ain't no update. This is... well I guess it is an update- but not a new chapter!**

 **Sorry i haven't updated yet. I have been so busy with school and my sisters birthdays.**

 **I did get an account in quotes that has a couple other really good stories and I will be updating there as well with both those stories and the ones on here. Thanks and here's the link to my profile. Louise3811**

 **My username is Switchblade. Just search the users for that name and I am a dirty blonde with a pink hat and a cat in my arms.**


	14. Chapter 13:

**Hey y'all. Sorry it's been so long. I have been very, very busy with school, art class, and my sisters' birthdays.**

Chapter 13:

 **#112: Do not pet humans or even pretend to turn them into pets.**

(Barricade, as cute as Miles was with his cat ears, tail, and collar, walking him around on a leash wasn't the best way to show the newbies that you've truly defected)

 **#113: Do not act like you like Ravage, then break up with him.**

(You are creepy and perverted and strange)

(Ravage just has natural cat instincts and wants to be petted)

(Amber, Dusk)

 **#114: Autobots, do not pick up a human and spank them when they go off on you- tell your SO.**

(You bruised their butt)

(Crosshairs, Ironhide, Ratchet)

 **#115: Do not sign up for Optimus taught civics classes.**

(He will ramble on for HOURS!)

(Torture)

 **#116: If you are continually getting injured on the ribs, invest in our supply of Kevlar.**

(We have a lot of it)

(Surprisingly)

 **#117: When a decepticon keeps trying to catch you, do sing 'take a hint', smack them, then take of running.**

(It works to get away)

(Amber, me, will)

 **#118: Do not send out an email of a picture of a quote that says, "If you are currently reading this, you can be classified as a technological crackhead."**

(Bots were greatly disturbed)

(Ratchet scanned every inch of the base for drugs)

(Epps, Micheal)

 **#119: Do NOT flirt with Optimus when Elita-1 is with him!**

(She will follow you and shoot you!)

(It is not wise to piss off the leader of the femme teams)

 **#120: Don't leave Brains and Wheelie alone with Will Lennox's daughter, Annabelle in her room.**

(I could hear them screaming from inside her bedroom.

(I have no idea what they were even screaming about in the first place)

 **#121: Do NOT play "It's a small world after all" on the intercom all day long! This song will drive anyone and anybot crazy!**

(The song is seared into my brains)

(At least bring me headphones)

(Noise canceling)

(Epps, Will, Micheal, Ben, Dusk, Bee)

 **#122: Do not work on projects in the medbay. Take hatchet's tools to another room.**

(He will go into mad doctor mode)

(Or get mad at you for making a mess)

 **#123: Never take the bots on a vacation. The metal detectors in the airports beeped nonstop.**

(I'm still stuck on why they needed to scan the METAL CARS to begin with)

 **#124: Do not make movie references in the middle of a heated battle or argument.**

(As amusing as the reactions are, they are not needed)

(Twins, Amber, Dusk)

 **#125: Never make school is awful references around people who are actually in school.**

(Although that one was really good:

Seven

Crappy

Hours

Of

Our

Lives)

 **#126: Don't bother using earth metaphors around the bots- they take it literally.**

(Micheal: I was an ugly duckling as a kid)

(Ratchet: if it is of any consultation, you are neither ugly, nor a duckling)

 **#127: If you flat line after a battle, do not let the first thing you say be, "man, dying kinda sucked. I don't advise it."**

(Ratchet ordered you to another week in the med bay)

(You did get us to laugh but we cried for you)

(EVIL!)

(Dusk wrote this ;)

(Me)

 **#128: Please do not get Arcee, Elita, or Chromia- or anyone else- to help pull a prank involving the ghost rider.**

(No humans either)

(Arcee and Me)

 **#129: Keep all school projects miles away from Ratchet.**

(No specifics)

 **#130: When Amber uses her sweet voice with evil smirk- run.**

(It never turns out good for anyone but her)

 **#131: When you are in the midst of battle, do not stop to write your will.**

(Either the actual will, or on our Will)

(You freaked him out nearly got shot)

(Epps)

 **Once again I'm so sorry it has been late. I have been so busy will school starting in five days and all three of my sister's birthdays. I will update as much as possible but it will probably slow down soon. Thanks for the reviews and I will be updating on quotev as well under the username: Switchblade. There are a few stories on there (like the background story for this rule book) that I will not be putting on here for now anyway. Please check it out if you can and tell me which ones I should put on this website as well.**


	15. AN :Request

I need help. I know you all probably don't watch the news but I know you've heard about Hurricane Irma. I live on the coast of South Carolina and I have family in NC and friends in Florida and Georgia. Evacuation is not an option for me, my dad, my dog, and my three sisters.

Right now Irma is a cat 5 with 185 mph sustained winds- one of the largest hurricanes on record to ever hit the US and only 5 mph away from becoming the biggest and most disaster out.

Can you pray for me and my family and all the people in its path. This thing can't be stopped by much and it keeps getting bigger. This wouldn't take much to flood SC and wipe Cape Hatters off the map. Irma can put Hugo and Katrina to shame and the only other storm even close to this size was in the 1800's and it nearly wiped Galveston, TX off the map

Please pray and send help. Thank you.


	16. AN : Update

Ok, first off soooo sorry i haven't updated. For all of those who prayed for me, i thank you. God blessed us and we managed to escape the brunt.

Leading off of that =, we have had a very busy time. There was all the holidays, birthdays, i had archery tournaments and i am a straight A student in a private school taking college class and exams. I am also in beta club, recently started softball again for the third year every single day, and recently got inducted to join NHS.

So yeah- I've been busy. And my own birthday is in less that a month. I have hit a bit of a writers block in the rules themselves so until i get out of that, i will do one shots of my favorite rules. if you have opinions or questions or requests please you:)


	17. Chapter 14

**Ok so this really delayed and i am so sorry. i meant to do this earlier and didn't put it up.**

 **Summary** : Optimus uses paperwork as an excuse to not carry Annabelle and Cali does not appreciate it.

Scolding of the Century 

Optimus was currently in a bind. He was attempting to go finish the paperwork Galloway had demanded of him but the youngest base member decided that since her guardian was not available, he was the next best. And he was losing the argument.

A couple bots, all of the technorganics, and epps and will were watching. None were helping.

Optimus sighed and decided he needed to put an end to this quickly.

"i Must finish what was asked of me, young one. i am sorry." with that he stood back up began to walk off, seemingly ignoring the sniffling child. Cali got fed up. Marching up to optimus, she put both hands on her hips and leaned in.

"I don't care if you have paperwork, Gallo-ass can wait. Now you better turn your but around, face that sparkling, and say yes, because if you don't i will magnetize your aft to a berth in the brig, strip your protoform clean, and paint you pink and purple."

Optimus blinked three times in rapid succession at the usually docile young woman as she continued her rant.

"Do you really think Annabelle cares about paperwork or shit like that? NO! She doesn't! Now you best turn your aft around and look her in the eye."

Optimus obediently turned back to Annabelle and met her tear filled eyes.

"Look at her and answer her question. And, Prime, if you even fragging think of saying no you will not see tomorrow."

His mouth moved before he could think. "Yes."

Cali nodded her head and helped Annabelle into his servo before sauntering off. Optimus stood there completely flabbergasted as the rest of the spectators came out of their shock and began to laugh.

The lesson learned: never tick off Cali.


	18. Chapter 15

**What do y'all think of this? Please R &R and let me know. Thanks. ;)**

Week 9

#132: Never question Prowl on his vendetta with Starscream.

(it is unexplainable but Prowl will give you a reason and show that he has a sense of humor)

#133: Do (not) ask Epps to explain the Idaho conspiracy around new bots.

(I may have a good laugh but the rest think we are missing a few bolts in the old brain)

(Fig, Dusk, Will, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker)

#134: Do not program strange voicemail boxes into the bases phones.

(nobody appreciates looking dumb when they had no part in the prank)

(Both twins, Fig, Amber, Ratchet)

#135: do not turn off the lights and run like hells on you heels so that no one kills you.

(Epps, will, Dusk, Amber, fig)

(I will have fun trying to)

#136: if you are not going to sing a song, do not attempt to describe it.

(If you can't sing it, you can't speak it)

#137: when your guardian calls you to see if you got somewhere safe, do not reply with "no, I died a few times."

(You gave poor que a heart attack, Victoria)

#138: when we go out to a restaurant and they ask if we would like a table, do not use sarcasm.

(Yes, Prowl, it is an illogical question, but your answer of "no the floor is fine" was also illogical)

#139: do not make new bots think that there will be someone watching them sleep through their window at night.

(No comment)

#140: do not walk into a bank, yell "Nobody Move!" Then finish with some stupid comment.

(They called the cops on sunny and sides)

#141: do not go to a restaurant simply to hide fake engagement rings in girls glasses for the enjoyment of watching the boyfriends' faces.

(Epps, dog, twins, Dusk, me, Ben)

#142: please do not 'disturb your friends at all times'.

(I will disturb you back and you won't like how.)

#143: never compare your brain to the Bermuda Triangle.

(Optimus, Micheal, Ratchet, and Ironhide were all worried about me and will)

#144: don't bother trying to explain the process of how each day is a gift to them.

(Because someone *cough* Micheal *cough* will say something stupid about refunds)

#145: when a clueless bot says to follow your dreams, do not go back to bed.

#146: please don't say your kind and then go one to list every reason why your not.

(You don't make friends that way)

#147: humans: do use the excuse of being short to explain our more down to earth features.

(It ticks off certain bots)

#148: don't let ratchet know about the voice in your head.

(I made the mistake of whispering to him that the voice in my head was saying "slap the idiot")

#149: don't reply to a call me text with a text me call.

#150: don't try reverse psychology on bots.

(Ben was taking to Sam during a meeting and Galloway looks at him and goes: why are talking during my meeting.)

(To which Ben expertly replies: I don't know why are you meeting during my conversation?)


End file.
